shin

I am beginning to come to terms with my situation.

Since friday, I had been upset/angry/suicidal/crazy/etc.

Feeling like a loser that I couldn't get my exchange, and subsequent failure to convince the office to place me on the waiting list. It may not be a big deal to many people, like don't have then don't have lor. But it's not. I put all my possible effort and being into this, I let got of my chance for presidency for this, it's not just anything that I applied, I forgo my chance to shine and do something great for once, but no, I cannot but i fucking dont have enough GPA. No one know how much this means for me, because unlike most other students, I wanted to do something.

Feeling angry for the lousy system, how everyone is not given a chance. like Brain told me yesterday, that everything is the business, if I don't have the best grades, I won't be attractive to be bought by the other school.

Well, then to that: fuckyou.

( i am getting better, but i do want to rant, you must know the severity of my situation)

Why spend money on the foreigners like the tiongs and such for them to come here and then spend more money for them to go for exchange when technically they ARE on an exchange here already, dammit. Even not so, just based on grades, how can the school be sure they are good advocates for the school, good speakers who present themselves well? They don't care lah, all these bloody fuckers.

After being upset and all, I have to face it. Now I am left with no exchange and no presidency, hence being very free. Now what? Study hard to pull up my GPA and then try again for yr 4 sem1 lor. When i get my exchange then, i will go and say FINALLY I AM DESERVING ENOUGH EH youmotherfucker?

What else? Do what I like to do lor, volunteer work, ACRES and perhaps get back to feeding my cats. Teach piano, try to earn an internship next summer, and try to go for summer school. Get a new laptop, and study more. WHAT ELSE WHAT ELSE WHAT ELSE???????? If you have any activity, ASK ME.

Next semester, I will be a whole new person once again with a whole new lifestyle.

My baby is going away :( and I don't know what to do without him. It's making my life even worst. By mark's advice, be so busy till you're too tired to think about missing him. Yeah. but with what? I wonder lor, I have nothing to be busy with but studies and I'm not exactly a nerd.

But, I still have my life. I can't be sad forever right?

Smile?

swollen eyes