shin

I really do not think that I am being overly sensitive.

It's been going on for too long and it's almost tipping point for me. I didn't want to care initially if I didn't appear as close to R or not, because if I am, I am. If not, then why force it. But it's the fact that the rest of the girls are extremely close it bothers me.

Because
1. Everyone gets excited over things that I have NO friggin idea about. And..... I have to look like I really care. when erm, nope, sometimes I don't really give a shit. Well sometimes I do, but, yeah, there are times when , hm , NO.
2. I tried to talk but apparently R has not time for me
3. maybe it's not a issue of time, perhaps it's the issue of interest
4. due to misunderstanding of the past where unhappy issues were not directly conveyed to me but kept boiled up within and disseminated to the rest of the people BUT ME, I find it extremely disturbing and very offended that I get so little trust from people I thought I can be comfortable with, but to sadly find out, not to be so.

Cautiousness is what I feel I practice now and that disturbs me to the max because I do not feel that I should not be accepted for who I am and if people misunderstand then the responsibility is on them to tell me because I can't be going around asking everyone every minutes if you are misunderstanding me and if I should speak like I have lasers ready to shoot my mouth off at every wrong word I said.

It's extremely unfair to me. Seriously. Like I said, I had gotten over the fact that different degree of friendship occurs in real life. What I cannot take is that I am constantly exposed to this extreme closeness from everyone else which I TRIED to recover but was not given an opportunity to. Look, if I want to talk about friendship, I think I've been trying to chat, I think I would like to have presents like the others that come on time with more sincerity, I think I would like to receive calls too, okay, so I'm just jealous. I'm not blaming, I am saying I'm just jealous that's it. The end. So there. Before you want to blame anyone, don't. It's just life. it's unfair and I don't give a fuck. I have my life to live and if people wants to be in it, come, I love hanging out with friends. If not, I am just going to let it out for this once and throw it down the rubbish chute forever and not dig this thing up again.

I am less fed up now.

I got my entrepreneurship minor this december, even after the horrible interview.
( unexpected)<--- looks like a busy 2 months ahead with exams. hope I won't get abandoned for that. but looks like I would. hope I just manage to care less.
I also got selected for GL this coming FOC. (unexpected )
Ever having to deal with jealousy issues with girlfriends (unexpected and totally unnecessary)

URGH.
I think I can manage to psycho myself to really d o n o t b o t h e r. Too much headaches already there are.